Cunnilingus for the Clueless (part 2)

DIVING IN

Back to between the legs ... after you've taken a good -- but more
importantly an appreciative -- look at your partner's pussy, found out all you can about her, and paid attention to what she's saying (spoken or
not), then you can get to it.

Cunnilingus is kin to a good French kiss. Think about that for a moment: when you're locked in a passionate embrace, you're not just tongue dancing – there are lips as well as other fun mouth bits involved. The same should be true when licking your lover. You don't want to be a sloppy lapper, but think of what you're doing as giving your girl a real good Frenchie between the legs. Thinking of cunnilingus as a chore or something to 'do' to your girl will do nothing but frustrate her and put you in the doghouse. Like a kiss, cunnilingus should be something you do together to stoke your fires. Start slowly, start playfully, and even laugh a lot.

Depending on your girl, leaping right in is not always the best way to go. Even if things are especially hot and heavy, approaching the clit can sometimes be a bit too intense for her.

Start by gently parting her labia so you know what's where. This is where an appreciative eye comes in: look at her colors, the size of her clit, the shape of those lips. Men so often want to get their dicks in there they never realize how pretty, and sexy, a woman's genitalia can be.

Run your fingers and tongue along the majora and minora, or even gently insert a finger into the vaginal opening and circle the inner muscle. Feel how smooth and hot she is? Some women will start to lubricate very early, while others need a bit more time and/or stimulus. You can also sometimes see the muscles of the vagina contract and release as you touch and lick. It's quite an erotic sight.

After you've used your eyes and fingers to explore the genital contours of your lover, it's time for a kiss. Try licking around, above, or below the clit, applying some gentle pressure and pushing with your tongue rather than lapping in weak, flaccid strokes.

When it comes time to approach the clit, one of the most important things to remember is consistency. An erratic, spasmodic approach will usually get you nothing but a smack across the top of the head. Breaking up your licking into slow and fast 'spurts' is a good idea, if anything to avoid monotony, but if you're jumping all over the place, rate-wise as well as location-wise, you're not going to give your lady a chance to focus enough to orgasm. It's a good idea to develop a comfortable frequency (fast, hard licks for instance) followed by a low period (where you can breathe and rest your tongue). Listen to your partner's responses, sticking with a rhythmthat works for both of you.

Like with your dick, stiffness is also important. Few women like to have a warm, soft, slab dragged across their clits. Keep your tongue firm and tight - like a fingertip - as you flick across and around the clit. Moisture usually isn't much of a problem, but there's definitely an art to keeping her clit moist but not too wet. A few strategic swallows can do wonders for a balance between the two.

Speaking of fingers, don't feel that you have to completely depend on tongue power. If you find yourself getting tired, needing a bit of a break, or simply to see where the hell you're licking, pulling away for a bit and using your finger or a sex toy is perfectly okay. Being comfortable and engaged in the experience is key to both of you having a good time. Besides, you don't have to be a cunnilingus purist: licking your lover should be just one of all kinds of things to try and do together. Rather than just licking and licking and licking till you both get bored, try mixing and matching other kinds of sex play. Like men, a lot of women can't orgasm from oral sex - no matter if you're an Olympic-level licker. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy it, it just means that they might need an extra hand, finger, or vibrator to help them peak. This is where we get back to communication. Be flexible and responsive to what you both need to have a good time. Talk, play, and experiment. Find out what works for you, what works for her or what works when.

A WORD ABOUT PATIENCE AND PACING

For folks who might be nervous about their role in 'pleasing' their partner, it's very important to remember that you're just a helper. You can't make someone come: orgasms come from within, not from without. No matter how hard you work or how good you are you can never make someone have an orgasm. You can make it easier for them, add sensations, erotic play, all kinds of other great stuff, but in the end it all comes from between the ears - both yours and hers. So don't tie yourself in knots if something doesn't work, or doesn't work as planned: you're both only responsible for your own comes - the rest is just the wonderful, sexual ride you take together.

Also keep in mind that sex is practice, finding something you both like. It might not come the first time or even the second, but if you take a deep breath and relax, you'll be surprised by how good things can get for everyone involved. Confidence can come from success but it can also coming from realizing the contest was only in your mind. It isn't about winning and losing, pleasing or not, but just having a damned good time.

This is a good time to return to our original musical metaphor. Though learning to play is important, and knowing one end of your instrument from the other, it's even more important to realize the ultimate goal is not to be the best but to feel good about yourself. So take some of these techniques, try them out, and remember that it's not the instrument, or the song (or person) being played but all of them, together, that combines to make beautiful music.


M.Christian is a recognized erotica master with over 200 short stories, 20 anthologies, four collections, and six novels to his name. He also practices pretty much everything he preaches. For more info, see www.mchristian.com