17 excuses for cheating

American psychiatrist Mira Kirshenbaum named 17 causes which lead to unfaithful life. In her book “When Good People Have Affairs” she develops the thought that cheating doesn’t always happen because someone is immoral or selfish, says The Independent.

As the author thinks, cheating doesn’t hurt the marriage, but in some cases even strengthens it. Considering this the Director of Boston Institute Chestnut Hill is advising his readers not to tell about your affair as it can bring more bad then good to your relationship.

The aim of Kirshenbaum is that cheating is not only acceptable, but also forgivable. First of all this shows that the person is trying to find himself.
Towards an affair can push the will to raise your self esteem and also the will to check if you are able to be liked by somebody.

An affair can also be interpreted as somekind of relationship check. In this case if the other partner finds out about the affair it can lead to break up or strengthen the relationship between partners.

Most of the times the married have affairs when the marriage is in a crisis. As a rule the problems begin after a couple of years of marriage. In this case Kirshenbaum sees in it an attempt to salvage the marriage and this can be done only if the husband and wife will find enough time and attention to to give to eachother.

“When you have gone ahead a lot on the scale of life, and your husband is limping behind, there is a logical explanation for a woman to try to find an affair with somebody that is at the desired level” says the psychiatrist. This tendency is called by Kirshenbaum as the will to sell herself for a better price.

The same thing happens when you can’t realize your desires next to the men that doesn’t have the possibilities to do that. In that case they are looking for other men which can give them what their husband can’t. Besides dissatisfaction there might be also the curiosity. “You start an affair with the curiosity if you can obtain things that you can’t in your marriage. If that is possible then appears a question – is the difference that big, as it was supposed before.” writes Kirshenbaum.

If one of the married didn’t have a lot of experience before marriage, he or she feels that they are missing out on something. An answer to this situation is that the married person is looking for new affairs.

Cheating might be also used as a weapon for revenge. “When you are mad at your husband that he hurt you, you start a new affair, even if the husband will never find out about your sleeping around.”

Analyzing the relationship of ex-president Bill Clinton and his secretary Monica Lewinski, the psychiatrist names the Clinton’s “mistake” an easy and rightful tendency of the president to compensate his hard work. “This might be unfair, but the thing is that you worked so hard that cheating was the only way that you know how to make you feel happy.” explains Kirshenbaum.